I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
