I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
