i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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