I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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