saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
