i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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