what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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