apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
