I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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