im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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