dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
