Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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