did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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