I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize
