....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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