i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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