Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
