Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
