the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
