i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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