i wish my penis had a tongue
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
