I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
