Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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