i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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