The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
