hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
