You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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