If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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