Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
