Where is the hickey?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
