May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
