I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
