I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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