She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
