Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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