so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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