they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
