would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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