I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
