He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That's how pantless uber rides happen
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
