I hate your face
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
