I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
