I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
