Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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