I will die if light touches me.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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