I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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