This is not my ceiling
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize