I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
