if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
