...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What a dumb baby whore.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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