he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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