I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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