FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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