I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
