Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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