ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
