I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
