I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
