Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
