I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
a search helicopter?!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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