U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She bit a glass in half.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
