Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
