I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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